I'm so fucking tired of the struggle.I'm so fucking tired of wearing the mask.
I went to therapy today. Therapists think depression is about repressed anger, so what am I angry about, she asks me? I don't know. The world. Get more specific. I don't know. The world! The people in the world who don't understand, won't understand. I'm angry about my depression, I'm angry at the toxic world that causes it.
On the way home the sadness comes out and waiting for the bus I feel myself starting to cry. I don't want to be crying my eyes out on the bus so I push it all back down and now it's gone again, I can't reach it. How can I feel my emotions, express my emotions in this world?
I'm just dead dead dead inside, and I want to go away.
God it's so heavy and endless and hopeless and helpless and stuck.
I don't want to exist.
